Friday, August 12, 2011

Perhaps is really time to end all this. I had enough of all the nonsense I been getting. It just feel like history is repeating itself once again. But this time round, I wonder how long will I need to take to recover if it ever happened again.

A lot of thoughts have been running in my mind for the past 15 days when I am here. I seriously hate enough of all the crying and emoness! I just wish that everything will be same like before! But baby, is it really possible?

I really hate the way we are behaving now, I had so much to tell you but I seriously had no idea on how to get it across to you! Things wasnt like this in the past. i seriously have no idea why must we come to this extent when we are behaving like stranger!

Is it really time to leave? I really dont know. I dont bear too! But Baby, do I really still have a choice now? I been typing a series of post in my laptop, and is something which I never hope to be shown to you. But the feelings I been getting is telling me that the day of separation is here.

I had been telling you how I am feeling but nothing we do seem to be helping. I really hate the feelings that we are no longer close. I am really trying all ways to salvage the situation we are in now but is seriously not helping me.

Whenever I asked you, you tend to side him! Always asking me to give in, but have you ever stand in my shoes? Who is going to give in to me? I admitted I am jealous whenever you tend to side him more. I feel like a subsitution but you deny it!

I remember typing a sentence in my post 'perhaps when the day I choose to leave you not because I longer love you but on the contrast, I love you too much. Like I told you, I dont wish to be the fking one to hurt you again. I hate hurting you! I hate to see you unhappy because of all my nonsense. I hate to see you drifting away from me. I hate the feelings of leaving you one day. I hate the possibility of history repeating again. I HATE MY LIFE NOW!

I dont understand why am I always made to undergo all this fking things over and over again. Why is heaven so unfair to me? I been thinking whether is it better that we never get close to one another in the first place. I really dont know. I really miss the days baby. I really do! Do you miss the days like me too?

If I am given a chance to turn back the time, I guess I will still make the same decision. Will you? All I ask for now is no longer impossible. I just wish that everythings will return back to normal. I hate quarreling with you over him. I really had so much to tell you but up to now, I still dont really have a chance to talk to you properly.

At the rate we are going, perhaps maybe you should let me go! At least I will be unhappy alone instead of dragging everyone in. That the only last thing I can do for you baby. Maybe you will be happier? Stop thinking that you are happier knowing me cause you are just deceiving yourself. Right now, I just feel that you regretted knowing me )=

I just realised that the day I started blogging is also the starting of my misery back then. Right now, I am back to blogging again because I feel that the same like what happened four years back. FML! Am I such a loser? Am I sure a failure in life too? Any kind soul wanna enlighten me?

p/s: BABYY, thanks for all the fond memories you have given me over that short period of time. Although is a short span of happiness but is indeed the best time I ever had after what happened 4 years ago. Because of you, I manage to walk out of my past and accept people again. But this time round, I wonder how long will I ever need to walk out of it. Will I still be able to accept other so easily? I really dont know. Perhaps, I would rather be alone.

Although you might not get to see this post as I never tell you that I do blog. The last thing I wanna let you know is that I lovee you and care about you too. So please dont think that I enjoy hurting you. I guess is really time to end everything. I wish you happiness!

From someone who love you.

(10:12 PM)